A lot of people have watched me change over the last few years, and they've wanted to know how I did it, and what it's been like. This is my story. It's long, but so was the process. I feel weird telling it, but I know it also gives me an understanding of what people that try to lose weight are going through. When I started getting serious about losing weight, I saw a sign that said "Because of you I didn't quit." I've had my own people that have made me believe in "more", but I know that everyone needs at least one person like that. So, I'm sharing my story, not because of what I've done, but because it's proof that we get to change our stories. Here's the thing. If that girl can do it, you can too.
-Kim
Which I
guess is how she woke up one day weighing 250 lbs, barely squeezing herself
into a size 22.
It’s a lot
easier to say “she” as if “I” am at a safe distance telling this story about
someone else. Let me try again. I
woke up to weigh 250lbs. I am the one who bought size 22 clothes
that were too tight, because I just couldn’t face the truth that I was really a
size 24. I am the one who tried to
numb myself with food, because it was easier than naming and dealing with the
pain of a bad marriage and worse job. I am
the one who tried to make myself run, even though I nearly cried every time I
walked because of blown out knees, because it was all I knew to do. I’d see smiling, skinny girls in spandex running,
and I’d tell myself that if I could only look like that, I’d be happy too.
It’s not
like I didn’t try. I cut out every
workout I’d see in Shape and Fitness.
I bought the whole set of weights from The Firm. I tried every diet
you could name. I did Atkins, The Zone Diet, South Beach, even The Grapefruit
Diet. I, impressively, found a way to gain weight while following Weight
Watchers. When I look back, I
half-heartedly laugh at my attempts.
Because, truth, I when I look at all the time and money I spent on the
right water bottle or clothes that I thought would motivate me or gimmicky
things, if I didn’t laugh, I’d get really angry at myself.

He came to
me one day and told me he wanted to train me.
I listened politely, and then equally politely, told him “thanks but no
thanks.” But then when he left, I had a
not so polite conversation with myself about the commitment I had made to
really change myself. I ate a piece of
humble pie, which come to think of it, is the only pie I’ve had in three
years—but I’ve eaten a lot of it.
Anyway, we set a time to start.
And I tried to cancel on him.
Because in the hour prior to our session, I was so keyed up that I was
about to puke. I was terrified I
couldn’t do it. More terrified that he’d
see me jiggle. But in 40 years of doing
this, I guess he learned not to put up with BS excuses. I lost that battle. Two days later, in twelve minutes, he put me
on the mat. With 5lb dumbbells. I found a hand gesture to tell him he was
number one. Well, I would’ve if I’d had
the energy to lift my finger.

This has
been the hardest thing I’ve done. I have
been pushed harder than I wanted to go.
I’ve cried. I’ve whined. I’ve changed my whole lifestyle to do
this. I’ve gone from the girl who faked
injuries to get out of exercise to being completely passionate about it. In fact, it means so much to me that I
changed careers to be a personal trainer. I’ve never been happier, or felt as
good or had as much energy as I do now.
I’m not quite where I want to be, but now I know I’ll never go
back. I’ll never settle. And I’ll never stop. I will keep pushing myself and challenging
myself, and in turn shape my body and mind.
Because one person took the time to
teach me, and wouldn’t let me quit on myself, I’m someone I never thought I
could be.
Let me do
the same for you. Because feeling good
in your skin is pretty much the best feeling.
Well, except maybe shamelessly wearing a bikini at the beach.
PS-- Here's the "inspirational" trainer... seriously, he's 59. And he busts parallel every time, too. And his biceps are considerably bigger than mine, so I try to do what he says.
No comments:
Post a Comment