On Adulting

A teacher at our town's early college asked me to speak to his class of sophomores yesterday.  The theme was overcoming obstacles and hardships, and in some ways, finding your story in the midst of it. But it sort of became almost a chance to share lessons learned.  He shared this with them earlier, and later me... and I love it so much.  All of it got me thinking about what I've learned in 33 years, and maybe what I wish some person had told me as I was trying to figure out who I was and wasn't.   Here's my manifesto from where I stand these days.  I said some of this to the students yesterday, but there's a lot more here than what I thought to say then. I guess the thing is that what I believe now has changed an awful lot, and I'm glad.

•  Find the courage to be who you really are, which may not look like anything people would imagine for you. Don't let anyone but you define who you are.  At the end of the day, you're the one who has to stand in the mirror and live with the choices you made that day.  Do things that make you proud.  Aim to do things that leave you with no regrets.  
• Recognize that some people will love you for being true to yourself.  Some will despise you for it.  Some will be jealous of you.  But the ones who matter will respect you for it. 
• Don't be afraid to make mistakes.  When you stop making mistakes, it doesn't mean that you are perfect.  It means you're simply living in a comfort zone where you have quit being challenged.
• Surround yourself with people who love you enough to challenge you, push you, and call you out on your stuff when you need it. You do not need a gaggle of "yes men".  What you do need are people that will help you become. 
• Pay attention to the people who show up in your life.  There's a reason they are there.  Allow them to be whatever it is they are supposed to be for you.  
• Don't suppose that you are always the expert.  If someone knows more than you do or is better at something than you are, learn as much as you can from them.  Especially learn from their mistakes.  But make it your goal to be an expert on one thing, and work diligently at achieving it. 
• Set ridiculous goals for yourself.  When people tell you they are ridiculous or that you aren't capable, prove them wrong. Do things you believe are impossible. 
• Show up for your life.  Decide that you matter, that your health matters, that your happiness matters.  Don't stand on the stand-lines.
• Take care of your body.  Start right now.  You only get one, and while a lot of things can be fixed, it's always better to be proactive rather than reactive. Choose right now that you will be a credit to your age.  Decide that you are still going to be able to do amazing things when you are old. Don't let yourself be a statistic. 
• Don't be lukewarm.  When do you something, do it passionately. Know what it is to master your craft.  Don't stop there.
• Don't settle.  Refuse to accept mediocrity. Don't skate by.  Don't "phone it in".  Ever. 
• Learn to take a hit.  Learn to stand back up, no matter what.  Don't get knocked down by the same thing again. 
• Realize that you don't have to have it all figured out today.  Don't be afraid to yell "do over" when you need to, but make sure you do it better the next time around. 
• Stay quiet when you have nothing to say. But when you know that you know something, the world needs to hear your voice.  And it might be your words that finally reach that one person. 
• Accept the fact that there is after all, a certain poetic fluidity to life. Some things are beyond your control, and that's ok.  Some things, many things, will change. You will change. That's ok too. 
• Let your word mean something. Show, don't tell,  the world who you really are. People will say bad things about you.  Let them. But live in such a way that an army of people would quickly speak up to defend you. 
• Don't be afraid to set out on your own. Be courageous enough to carve out your own path.  Go where the wild things are.  At least one time, do something that allows you to see that you really can stand on your own two feet.  Do something that scares you.  Do something that proves your strength, even if it's only to you.

I don't know that this list is exhaustive, but I do know that it's true.  These are my rules for living, at least right now.  What are yours?